And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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