you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
There was a lot of him and a little penis
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Randomize
