dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Randomize