I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
