Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
