You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize