me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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