some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize