turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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