she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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