and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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