Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Sober January is a disaster.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
