so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
