Welp...herpes.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
