i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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