In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize