Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
