go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
