Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
