You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
