Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
