Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
