So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
