I wanna bring you to show and tell
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
