AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
honey bunches of taint.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
