I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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