i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
