How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
