Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
