We're facebook friends in real life
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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