i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
