Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
50% drunk capacity currently
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize