I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just want to make out with him forever
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
