She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
