god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize