yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
