There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
