My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
