Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
