There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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