The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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