Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
