I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Randomize
