i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
