She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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