my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
