Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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