Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
