i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
