1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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