He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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