Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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