Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
