remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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