I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
