I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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