I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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