i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
