Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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