so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize