It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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