i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
