We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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