I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
His hands were made for my vagina.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
