More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
