He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
