so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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