I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
