someone get that fucking seahorse.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
These tits shall not be calmed
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