Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
