You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
