I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
