I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
