happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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