The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
