I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
