it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
