You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
vagina is talking i cant
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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