Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
