he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
