Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
