Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
