Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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