she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
