i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
