im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
