I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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