the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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