wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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