is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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