Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
