Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
