this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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