Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
