i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
