Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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