John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
