I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
