Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
