Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
