You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The best revenge is premature balding
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
