shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
