i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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