How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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