I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
