you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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