i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
