Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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