Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i think i have two assholes
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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