I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
