I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
