I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
