dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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