Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
