Old men and throwing up are my life now.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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