My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
