This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
