the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
